


Finding You

by solarlotus



Category: The Last Kingdom (TV)
Genre: Army AU, Blow Jobs, Come play, Drunk confessions, Fluff, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, M/M, Modern AU, Pining, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Uhtred is miserable, longing for each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:22:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25859653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solarlotus/pseuds/solarlotus
Summary: Uhtred and Finan are soldiers who have never found love. Because they're in love with each other, except they're both closeted and oblivious. Until they're not.
Relationships: Finan/Uhtred of Bebbanburg
Comments: 18
Kudos: 35





	Finding You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kirsten](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirsten/gifts).



> This is actually a spin off from another fic I'm working on in this world but this got finished first so it's a bit back to front but I thought I may as well post it.

Red, the most happening gay bar in the whole street, and the biggest, was heaving, a dim red glow permeated the dance floor and there were red velvet sofas dotted across the bar, covered in tightly clad bodies in varies stages of coupling, from flirty smiles to full on kissing and groping. Uhtred moved slowly towards the bar, trying not to look too hard at the couples groping and tried to relax, it was hard to come here, but he didn’t know anyone in Manchester, none of his men came from the place, there were no connections and it was miles from base. He would do what he’d done before, have a couple of drinks and let himself be picked up. He’d been astonished how easy it was, but his muscular, tattooed body in nothing but the tightest t-shirt he owned did the work for him.

He could feel hands brushing against him as he moved through the crowded room to the bar and his drink was brought by a tall handsome blond guy. Uhtred was starting to feel more at ease now, let himself flirt. The relief flowed through him, here were men he could want without guilt, men who would chase Finan out his mind.

Uhtred was deciding he would stick with the blond who'd brought his drink as he slipped to the loo, the guy was nice looking and seemed decent enough from what Uhtred could ascertain over the music and noise of the packed club. Not that he particularly cared, he wasn’t exactly in the market for anything serious. Just a bit of dick, that would be enough, just something to take the edge off the years of self-denial, abstinence and attempts to date women, most of all his constant longing for Finan.

Uhtred was washing his hands, trying to keep his head down staring at the black tiles and chrome sink when he saw him. There were two men almost fucking, certainly dry humping each other again the opposite wall. It tore Uhtred, he wanted to watch badly, see their cocks meet in a slick slide, listen to their breaths and grunts. But he dared not, his discipline must not crack.

‘Turn round, I’m gonna fuck you.’

Uhtred though he was dreaming at first, like a parched man in a desert, he was having hallucinations of verdant oases. But thirteen years he had known that voice, the Irish accent, clipped by Sandhurst but still distinct, deep and rich, the voice he heard daily, the voice that he’d spoken to not three hours ago wishing him a great evening, claiming to be chilling at home.

Uhtred had lied too, invented a date to stop Finan coming over, he’d sounded cynical. Who could blame him? Uhtred’s dating history was potted to say the least.

Uhtred turned now and saw the muscular arms he knew so well with a tattoos peeking out a white deep v-necked t-shirt, climbing down his forearm, a rose slashed with a vicious scar, bracketing a man against the wall, shoving his trousers down. Finan’s own cock was out, the man’s hand wrapped around it as Finan kissed him. Then the man let go of Finan’s cock to help get his trousers down properly and turned as Finan had ordered. Finan’s cock was standing proud, the stuff of every fantasy Uhtred had ever had. Hard, thick, glistening at the head.

Finan was fumbling with a condom. Uhtred didn’t need to see what happened next, to be caught watching his oldest and closest friend, the man he was hopelessly in love with against his best efforts and better judgement, a man he had always thought was straight, fuck a guy who wasn’t him in the toilets of a nightclub.

Uhtred fled into the night, on autopilot as he grabbed his stuff from the hotel and packed his car. The bottle of beer he’d had in the club now seemed a lifetime away and he didn’t dare stay another moment in this city where Finan’s thick red cock fucked men in gay clubs, other men who didn’t love him, who hadn’t held him while they were chained to a pipe in a dirty basement in Kandarhar for weeks on end, other men who didn’t know his favourite foods and how he breathed in his sleep, how every scar and tattoo on his body came into being.

Uhtred drove non-stop as far as Stafford, before finally giving in to his need for coffee and food. It was as he stood in the line at Costa in the florescent lit service station it hit him. There was a couple in front of him, middle aged, buying lattes and cakes for the last leg of their journey. From the chat Uhtred overhead with the barista they’d driven from Scotland and were headed to Worcester. But the thing Uhtred noticed was their hands, gently entwined as they queued. A quiet intimacy he had never and would never have.

The man he loved was in a club one hundred miles north, fucking someone who wasn’t Uhtred. In the carpark with the sounds of the motorway vibrating in the background Uhtred put his head on the steering wheel and let the tears come.

~

Uhtred drifted through the next couple of weeks, he trained, he did paperwork at work, drove aimlessly around the countryside and tried to avoid leisure time with Finan. Which was difficult as he spent most of his free time with Finan. Uhtred had brought a very nice one bedroom flat overlooking the harbour after his divorce and although it was small, the views made up for it and it was an easy distance for their base. He and Finan spent many happy evenings on the balcony, watching the ships in the English Channel beyond, the moonlight flickering on the gentle waters as they drank and talked long into the night.

Uhtred was cornered on a Friday evening, he had curled up on his sofa with his cocker spaniel and was planning on nothing more than mindless TV, an early night and a frustrating wank over memories of Finan’s cock.

Until the man himself was standing before Uhtred with two bottles of wine and his hands on his hips, demanding to know why he got less attention than the ‘neighbour’s fecking cat' as he let himself in. Uhtred shrugged and fetched glasses.

It was as easy as ever, when they were talking, in their animated conversation he forgot Finan crowding a man against a wall, Finan with his cock out, Finan’s lustful command to turn around. Until finally...

‘Are you okay, Uhtred?’ Finan asked, coming to sit beside him on the sofa, topping up his wine from the second bottle. Uhtred considered saying he was fine, that all was well. But lying to Finan wasn’t like lying to others, especially when he lived a lie to him anyway.

‘My life’s a bit fucked up really,’ Uhtred sighed. ‘I’ve just finally realised Aethelflead was right, I’m a massive fuckwit who will always be alone.’

‘No!’ Finan said too quickly, but Uhtred didn’t notice his haste, he was glugging the wine Finan had poured, trying not to think about Finan filling the man in the club.

‘It would,’ Uhtred continued, pouring himself another glass of merlot from the bottle on the coffee table, the alcohol kicking in enough to make him bold, ‘be easier if I was gay, we could be together. We get on, we never fight, you like Tyson.’ Uhtred petted his cocker spaniel. ‘I wouldn’t get the cold shoulder because I have to go away.'

If Uhtred had been paying attention he’d have noticed the stunned and stricken expression on Finan’s face. The longing in his deep brown eyes as he looked at his friend.

‘But I can’t do that,’ Uhtred sighed miserably.

‘Because?’ Finan asked, his entire body tensed, heart beating out his chest.

‘Things never work out for me.’ Uhtred paused and downed more wine. ‘Do you have good sex?’ he asked Finan.

Finan blushed now, they hadn’t talked about sex in years.

‘I guess so, I mean there’s nobody special, obviously, I don’t have a partner,’ Finan stammered, flushing from his neck to his forehead.

‘Do you know that Aethelflead and I had sex less than ten times in the three years we were married.’

‘To be fair you were on active service a lot of the time.’

‘Six times.’

‘Right.’ Finan took a slug of his own wine, Uhtred was now leaning against him, all hard muscle and soft hair tickling Finan’s neck. ‘Maybe you’re not looking in the right place.’

‘It would all just be easier if we could get married,’ Uhtred said laughing, before sloshing his wine on his jeans. ‘Shit,’ he muttered as the red liquid seeped into the denim.

‘God, you’ve had enough,’ Finan said gently, taking his glass. ‘You hardly touched your food, no wonder you’re throwing wine around. Get them off and stick them in the sink to soak.’

Uhtred giggled as he wriggled out his tight jeans and tossed them to Finan. If he spilt wine on Finan too perhaps he’d take his jeans and Uhtred would see that thick gorgeous cock again. Finan just scowled, looking strained as he took them to the kitchen to clean them.

When he returned Uhtred was still drinking. ‘I think that’s enough,’ Finan said gently, taking the glass from Uhtred’s hand and setting it down.

‘Did you think about it?’ Uhtred asked.

‘What?’

‘Would you marry me if I was gay?’ Uhtred’s eyes met Finan’s and had he been more sober he would have seen the dawning realisation on Finan’s face as his mouth dropped open and he blinked several times.

‘I think it’s time you went to bed,’ Finan said, feigning laugher. ‘I’m not the marrying kind.’

‘You should get married,’ Uhtred said, pulling Finan back to the sofa and slinging his legs over Finan’s lap so he could stretch out. ‘You need a lovely wife because you’re too good to be alone.’

‘Uhtred, I don’t want a wife,’ Finan whispered. He was hovering on the cusp of telling Uhtred.

‘Nor me,’ Uhtred sighed, collapsing against Finan’s strong body. Uhtred felt Finan’s arm round his shoulders and went in for a hug, almost falling into Finan’s lap as he did. They stayed like that for a few moments, Uhtred enjoying the closeness, the feel of Finan’s arms around him, not some anonymous man in a nightclub. Nobody special, Finan had said there was nobody special. The relief flowed through Uhtred and he buried his face in Finan’s neck with a sigh.

‘You’re drunk,’ Finan said stiffening. ‘Uhtred, you need to sleep it off. If we do this while you’re drunk and you regret it in the morning...’

Uhtred nodded vaguely, still inhaling Finan’s neck, yearning for Finan to crowd him against the wall and yank his pants down. Then Finan did something better, he scooped Uhtred up in his arms and carried him to his bedroom.

There would be few men who could carry Uhtred bridal style and lay him gently on his bed, even fewer who would dare. Uhtred was tipsy enough to be careless of his swelling cock and mindless that Finan was stiff and bulging at the crotch of his dark jeans.

‘Stay,’ Uhtred whispered, pulling at Finan’s wrist.

‘I’ll sleep on the sofa,’ Finan replied.

‘You never sleep on the stupid sofa. Christ, Finan we’ve shared bedrolls in the worst places on earth,’ Uhtred snapped. ‘Are you worried I’ll jump you in the night?’

‘I fucking wish,’ Finan muttered under his breath so Uhtred couldn’t hear. Uhtred had pulled off his t-shirt and was lying back, arranging the covers. Finan pulled his own top off and went to get Uhtred a glass of water from the kitchen. By the time he came back Uhtred’s eyes were closed.

Uhtred was too tired to keep his eyes open, two weeks of bad sleep and over a bottle of red wine had made him drowsy, he sighed to himself as Finan’s weight hit the mattress, his familiar smell settled next to him. The light went out and Finan shifted.

‘Ah, you mad bastard,’ Finan whispered in the dark. ‘I’d have you in the blink of an eye.’ Then he leaned over and pressed a kiss to Uhtred’s temple. ‘I’ve always loved you, darlin’.’

Finan rolled over then but didn’t object when Uhtred shifted closer, pressing their bodies together as if the night was cold and they must share warmth, even as they pushed the quilt away.

~

Morning came to Uhtred first. He woke with Finan’s hand on his stomach, a hard cock and the sound of Finan’s soft breathing behind him. Uhtred rubbed his face, blinking, the previous night coming back to him. Oh god, he remembered, he remembered his rambling and half confessions, his spilling wine and then Finan carried him and told him he’d always loved him when he thought he was asleep.

Finan was beautiful in sleep, his face relaxed, soft and peaceful. Uhtred turned in his arm and watched him, yearning to reach out and stroke his short beard. Uhtred had never been kissed by a man with a beard, he longed to feel the scratch on his lips and jaw, the tickle on his cheek.

Very quietly and gently he lifted Finan’s arm, the place on his stomach where he’d paid his hand felt branded. Uhtred prayed he did that again. But he’d had a skin full last night and needed to piss, he should clean his teeth too. He silently thanked Finan for the water he’d left him, which downed in the night had taken the worst off the after effects.

No, he would brush his teeth, make tea and then wake Finan. Uhtred didn’t allow himself to think too much as he stirred the tea, brushed his teeth, splashed his face with water and took those first heavenly hot mouthfuls. He used every ounce of psychological training he’d ever had to stop himself thinking until he padded back into his bedroom and set Finan’s mug down on the bedside table beside him and crawled back into bed, snaking an arm around Finan’s middle.

Finan was now sprawled on his back and stirred as the mattress dipped with Uhtred’s weight. His stomach was hard, like the rest of him, with a light trail of hair going into his boxer briefs. Uhtred wondered if he dared touch it.

‘Morning,’ Uhtred whispered, leaning into Finan and kissing him. The first kiss was on the cheek, the wiry hairs of his beard under Uhtred’s lips, the first time he had ever kissed a beard. The next kiss was on his lips.

It took Finan a few moments to realise what was happening, that he was in Uhtred’s bed and Uhtred was kissing him. Uhtred momentarily wondered if he’d made a mistake, then Finan’s mouth opened, his lips moved and his arms engulfed Uhtred.

They kissed like they were the last people on earth, Uhtred couldn’t get enough of him, his taste, the feel of his beard over his mouth, Finan’s tongue probing him. Then those strong arms were tight around him and he was rolled onto his back and Finan was on top of him, all his muscular weight pining Uhtred to the mattress as Finan took control and kissed his jaw and neck, his mouth again, little kisses over his cheeks and forehead, biting kisses on the soft part of his neck under his ear.

‘I’ve loved you for so long,’ Uhtred gasped as Finan let his hard cock grind against Uhtred’s hip. ‘I never thought there was a chance.’

Finan stopped for a moment, looked at Uhtred with utter adoration. Uhtred felt tears fill his eyes and tried to look away, embarrassed, but Finan gently titled his chin back.

‘Uhtred, you have no idea how much I wanted this. Is this real?’ Finan laughed. ‘Oh god, this is real.’ He kissed Uhtred again, holding him, enveloping him in a way Uhtred had never know. ‘God, I love you, I’ve always loved you.’

Uhtred knew there were probably tears on his face now, but it didn’t matter, because now Finan’s hands roamed his body and he let his legs fall open, let Finan nestle between them.

‘I’m not going to last long,’ Finan gasped as Uhtred finally got his hands on the cock he’d been dreaming of. ‘Please, baby…’

Uhtred’s heart soared, he’d never been given a pet name before. Aethelflead’s public ‘babes’ didn’t count. He wanted to be treasured in private, in the secret space between the sheets where their bodies met and in those quiet moments when there are only the two, the way he saw other couples, intimate and joined in their private devotion.

‘Me neither, do whatever you like, I haven’t done this much.’

‘You’re so good, baby,’ Finan groaned as Uhtred stroked his cock, thick hard and heavy in his hand. He was every bit as magnificent as Uhtred had dreamed about and more. Uhtred sped up his strokes, doing what he liked, stroking the whole head. God, he wanted it in his mouth, in his arse, he wanted Finan everywhere. And then Finan came, shuddered, gasped and spilt sticky on Uhtred’s fist.

He did it instinctively, the desire overtaking his inhibitions as Finan’s head dropped back and he panted, coming down. Uhtred licked his fingers, it tasted different to his own, not better, but it was better, because it was Finan’s and Uhtred wanted like he’d never wanted in his life.

‘You naughty boy,’ Finan growled, kissing him and biting at his neck and chest. ‘I’m going to have to keep a close eye on you.’ More kisses across Uhtred’s chest this time, pulls and bites on his nipples. Uhtred thought he heard mewling and cries that were coming from him, but he was lost now, he needed to come and thrust up at Finan.

‘Ah, yes, what would Major Ragnarson like doing with this?’ Finan grinned, taking Uhtred’s cock in his hand and stroking slowly, maddeningly.

‘You decide,’ Uhtred sighed. Because he knew whatever Finan chose it would be good, this was nothing like he’d ever experienced before. Not like the awkward encounters with women where he’d concentrated on staying hard long enough to fuck them, not like the hurried anonymous encounters with men, physically fulfilling put soulless and empty.

‘Good boy,’ Finan purred as Uhtred opened his legs further letting Finan slide between them pull his boxers off completely and swallow his cock.

It didn’t last long, Uhtred was as keyed up as Finan had been and Finan’s mouth was hot, skilled and perfect. He tried to warn Finan, he was going to come, fill his mouth, but Finan held his hips tighter and sucked, letting his mouth fill. As Uhtred lay spent and boneless Finan crawled up his body and kissed him, sharing his seed, letting it fall into Uhtred’s mouth. Uhtred’s cock twitched again, Finan was perfect, so fucking perfect.

‘This is us now, baby,’ Finan whispered. ‘Promise me?’

‘This is us,’ Uhtred replied, choked, tears in his eyes again. ‘Always, always.’


End file.
